WaltsBand.com logo and legend
WaltsBand.com logo and legend

Featuring the songs of Nick Sullivan

Demos, discussion, lyrics, sheet music

Trojan parcels

Nick Sullivan's picture
3 September 2014 by Nick Sullivan
One-Pound Bag sheet music (detail)

Like many another nexus of perpetual creative ferment, the Waltworks owes its continued vitality — easily detectable using today’s exquisitely sensitive machines — to a caffeine-driven organizational paradigm in which a passion for communicating the profoundest modern music is expressed in a dynamic environment characterized by irritability, nervous sweat, and sleeplessness. Out of this gritty but vibrant microcosm, which incidentally is one of the largest microcosms of its kind in our neighborhood, emerges today’s song, One-pound Bag. Its poignant message is that the coffee is important, but so is the pot.

How to make coffee

  1. If you want to make good coffee, it is said, begin with great beans. That’s if you have any. If you have none, you might nevertheless be fortunate in having a friend who sends you a bag of excellent coffee beans in the mail. Let us assume that to be the case. When the delivery arrives, we can move on to step two.
  2. Upon opening the parcel your friend has sent, check the bag of coffee beans carefully to see if it has been previously opened. If it has, this could be a sign of tampering, and must be investigated. Open the top of the bag, and peer cautiously within. A periscope may be used, but be sure to clean all surfaces first to avoid contamination. (On looking through the eyepiece, you may see another eye looking back at you. Run away screaming or adjust the mirror position.) If everything seems peaceful, stick your beak right into the bag and have a good sniff. Ah! Coffee! There’s nothing like it. Now, with utmost care, feel within the bag to see whether any booby traps or other inclusions are hidden amongst the beans. If there are any, remove them single-handed using digital techniques, and set them aside for later inspection. We are now ready for step three.
  3. There’s really only one device that makes decent coffee, and that’s Walt’s Coffee Harmonizer. Right now it’s exclusively available under a variety of names through certain transitory web addresses and from the back pages of certain unsuccessful periodicals. Pick up yours today. Complete instructions come in limerick form with every unit, so there’s no need to repeat all that here. We are now ready for step four.
  4. As you sit back with your treasured mug of the uniquely stimulating WCH’s brew, dangerously hot but superbly harmonized, take a moment to free your mind from the pressure and hubbub of ordinary life. Hey, this might be a good time to take another look at those booby traps or other inclusions from step two. Afterwards, put on some Mozart, write a song, whatever. It’s up to you.

Thank you for reading this tutorial.

What others have said

jim's picture
jim on

Try try on the coffee defection, I hope it works. Also congrats on the new video release, only three to go and you will have to start on the next album. Are you going to open a forum for suggestions?

Anyway, since you’ve revealed the methodology to the NSA, etc, I thought I’d better avail myself on more time, expect a phone call almost immediately.

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